The Things We Grieve

So many things have been lost in these uncertain times. From loved ones to the simple joys of going to a coffee shop to sit, drink, and read.

The ease of going to the grocery store is long gone- replaced with anxiety and empty shelves. Classrooms and hallways filled with lockers are empty now. Students who dreaded the daily routine now wish for some semblance of normalcy.

I’ve felt acutely aware of all of these things and have mourned various things – from death of a family friend to the smiles of my students every morning.

However, for some strange reason I got a gut punch today for something seemingly simple. My phone sent me a reminder that I purchased a ticket to see a play- and all of a sudden my mood took a nose dive.

Flashback to Valentine’s Day. As a single mom who has been terminally single for the last 11 years, the day has always been a struggle to maintain even a small iota is self-esteem. So this year I decided that I would “treat myself”— spoil myself by buying a ludicrously expensive (for me) single ticket to see a play later in the year. It was a novelty to spend so much on myself and dare to go to a play solo and to a play that I’d never seen before- one of my favorite- Hamlet.

I’ve read the play multiple times and seen nearly every movie version released after 1980– even spoof movies like Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead. And though I have seen over 15 other Shakespeare plays on the stage, I have yet to see Hamlet.

And then came the virus. But I said to myself, This will all be over by the end of April. And then schools shut down. And businesses. And I finally got the email mid-March that the theater was canceling the show. I was sad then. But then I forgot about it.

Until I got a notification on my phone for the show. I’d forgotten to delete it off of my calendar, and just like that, I was suddenly grieving the loss of Hamlet.

So much of our lives have changed. So much has been taken from us. But we’ll be ok. I’ll see Hamlet eventually- and I will even enjoy it more as I remember the time I lost that chance.

We’ll make it through this. We will. And we will be stronger for it.

5 thoughts on “The Things We Grieve

  1. One step at a time, followed by one day, then another, then a week, month, year. This current impediment will shape us all as individuals, for the good or bad. We are not so much defined by paths we follow but choices we make. For good or ill. Human nature is complex and a normal will allow us once again to pursue some sort of routine that we enjoy. Although that routine may yet be undefined, but hoping the arts and other activities will again be available to see and share and enjoy as they originally are intended. Jerry

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get it. I think we “gird” ourselves for what we expect, all the lousy things we know have happened, but something unexpected – like your reminder message – slips past and wounds us freshly. That’s how it feels to me. Your solo Hamlet outing was a great (brave) idea. It gives me ideas for myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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